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Gordon’s Gems and Guidance

Everyday Ways Parents Can Build Resilience in Their Child
As you know, resilience is one of our four Lower School Outcomes. Recently, a parent asked me a great question: “What can I actually do to help my daughter be more resilient?” There are entire books on resilience, full of research, theory, and philosophy. But what parents often want—and need—are simple, practical strategies they can use in the moment. I could relate, because I remember sitting in workshops myself thinking: Just give me real-life examples I can try at home! So here are some everyday situations and how you can coach your child toward resilience instead of rescuing her.
Common Scenarios
  • Opening a milk carton/snack bag
    Instead of: Doing it for her
    Try: “Those are tricky! Show me how you’re trying. Press here with both thumbs  . . . now pull. If it doesn’t work, wiggle it side to side.”
  • Struggling with homework
    Instead of: Giving the answer
    Try: “This looks tough. Let’s read it slowly. What’s the first step you know for sure? What’s another way we could think about it?”
  • Shoes or coat on backwards
    Instead of: Fixing it immediately
    Try: “You did it yourself! Let’s be detectives—does it feel comfy or off? How can you tell which shoe goes on which foot?”
  • Saying “I can’t do it!” with tears
    Instead of: “It’s fine, I’ll do it.”
    Try: “I see you’re frustrated. That’s normal when we learn something new. Let’s take one slow breath and try again together.”
  • Losing a game
    Instead of: “It doesn’t matter, it’s just a game.”
    Try: “I know losing feels bad—everyone feels that way. Do you want to try again now, or take a break and play later?”
  • Being left out at recess
    Instead of: “Just find someone else.”
    Try: “That hurts. What’s one kind thing you could say to invite someone else to play? Want to practice with me?”
  • Lego tower keeps falling
    Instead of: Rebuilding it for her
    Try: “That’s frustrating! What if you try a wider base? Or add something heavier at the bottom? Want me to hold it while you test your idea?”
  • Spilling a drink
    Instead of: Cleaning it up yourself
    Try: “Spills happen! Grab a towel and show me how you wipe it up. I’ll help if you need it.”
  • Getting ready slowly in the morning
    Instead of: Rushing or doing it for her
    Try: “You’re still getting dressed. Want to race the timer and finish in five minutes, or should we make a checklist together (the night before)?”
  • Trying something new
    Instead of: “Don’t worry, you’ll be great!” (adds pressure)
    Try: “It’s normal to feel nervous when starting something new. You don’t have to be perfect—just brave enough to begin.”
  • Making a mistake on a project
    Instead of: “That’s wrong, here’s the right way.”
    Try: “Oops, that didn’t work out. What’s one way you could fix it or try again differently?”
  • Forgetting homework
    Instead of: Always bringing it to school
    Try: “That’s hard to remember. What could you do tonight to help you remember tomorrow—maybe a sticky note or packing your bag before bed?”
Quick Formula for Parents
  1. Acknowledge feelings- (“I see this is frustrating.”)
  2. Coach with prompts- (“What’s one thing you could try?”)
  3. Step back- (Let her try it herself.)
  4. Stay calm- (Don’t get swept up in frustration.)
 Resilience is built in small, everyday challenges. When parents step back and coach instead of rescuing, girls learn to problem solve, manage emotions, and build confidence that they can handle hard things.
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Within the private school community, The Hockaday School is an independent college-preparatory day school for girls from grades PK–12 located in Dallas, Texas. Students realize their limitless potential through challenging academic curricula, arts, athletics, and extracurricular programs so that they are inspired to lead lives of purpose and impact.

The Hockaday School does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, ethnicity, creed, religion, sexual orientation, disability, or any other status protected by applicable law in the administration of its educational, admissions, financial aid, athletic, and other policies and programs.